


Old Habits Die Hard

by Nicnac



Series: Old Habits and New Tricks [1]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Gen, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-08
Updated: 2012-07-08
Packaged: 2017-11-09 10:08:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/454284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicnac/pseuds/Nicnac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Lana chooses Bizarro over Clark, Clark goes to Lex’s to complain. Lex can definitely work with this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Old Habits Die Hard

**Author's Note:**

> josephina_x blames me for her fic [Crying Into Scotch](http://archiveofourown.org/works/451557) because I brought up Lana and Bizarro in comments, but to be clear, _she's_ the one who suggested the idea of Clark crying on Lex's shoulder afterwards. So really, these are both her fault. *nods*

The doors to Lex’s office flung open wide and Clark walked in. Lex tensed, mentally, not physically, preparing to be subjected to more of Clark’s baseless, if not entirely inaccurate, accusations. Clark though, didn’t start yelling or giving Lex a condescending moral lecture. Instead, he walked straight over to the couch and collapsed, cradling his head in his hands.

For a moment Lex felt the strangest sense of déjà vu. He was twenty-one again and Clark was fifteen and they were so eager and _earnest_ , both of them, that it fucking hurt.

“Clark?” Lex said tentatively. _What’s wrong? How can I fix it?_

“Lana left me,” Clark said.

Time collapsed back in on itself and Lex remembered when he was and who they weren’t, not anymore.

 _Good_ , Lex thought viciously, and then very decidedly did not think about whether he was happier that Clark no longer _had_ Lana or that Clark was no longer _with_ Lana.  For that way madness lies, or at least a couple of nights of drunken brooding, neither of which Lex really had time for.

“And the worst part is,” Clark continued without prompting, “the guy she left me for is _evil,_ and somehow she doesn’t see that.”

God. Listening to a whining Clark had not even remotely been on Lex’s agenda for the evening, but it looks like that was what he was going to be doing. If neither the blanket ban on Clark’s presence in the castle nor the fact that Lex wasn’t even Clark’s friend now had deterred him, then Lex telling Clark to leave sure as hell wasn’t going to do any good. And Lex certainly wasn’t going to try to physically force the issue; there was no way that that would end well. That only left the tried and true method of frustrating Clark enough to make him leave in an indignant rage, without provoking him to violence, which, again, could not possibly end well.

God, he needed a drink. And possibly to find religion so that all these entreaties he was making to a higher power might have some small chance of being answered.

“Lana left you for someone that she can’t seem to see is evil,” Lex said, affecting a tone of mock confusion. “Now why does that sound familiar?”

Clark looked up and blinked at Lex a couple of times, having apparently genuinely missed Lex’s point. Then comprehension dawned and he groaned. “That’s not what it’s like. This is completely different.”

Of course it was. “What is it like then Clark? Explain it to me.” Trying to get an explanation from Clark about anything if you actually wanted answers was like pulling teeth, but just asking for the explanation was a pretty good way to get him pissy and inclined to leave.

But, since today Lex just wanted him to get out, Clark was of course going to try to answer the question. “You… aren’t a very good person most of the time Lex, but you aren’t evil. This guy is.” Lex wasn’t sure if he was gratified or upset about his demotion from “evil” to “not a very good person.” On the one hand, there was a part of him, a part whose existence he tried vehemently to deny, that was pleased to learn that Clark hadn’t completely written him off yet, but, on the other hand, the latter description was significantly less impressive than the former. Lex sighed inwardly. His grandiose sense of self and style were going to be the death of him.

Well, that or the head injuries.

“So nice to know that I haven’t lost your good opinion,” Lex replied dryly.

 “All I was trying to say was that I’d be less upset about it if she had left me for you rather than him.” Clark frowned and appeared to think that over before correcting, “No that’s a lie. But it would be _better_ if she had chosen you.”

That evidence of Clark’s utter hatred of him hit Lex like a knife in the stomach. “So the girl of your dreams left you for the scourge of the Earth,” Lex replied nastily. “Tell me Clark, who is this mystery man?”

Clark looked at him, and Lex instantly braced himself for the oncoming lie. Clark had always been a patently bad liar, but even if he had been any good, Lex still would have been able to tell. Clark always had the same look of calculated panic beforehand, as he tried to come up with something resembling a plausible explanation. “He… he… uh,” Clark stammered, apparently having a good deal of difficulty coming up with a cover story.

Lex wondered why Clark hadn’t left yet; it’s not like Lex was asking all these question because he actually wanted the answers.

Then, Clark’s expression changed radically. Lex didn’t have time to contemplate what that might mean before Clark was saying, “You know what? Forget this. It’s not like you don’t already know anyway. She left me for the alien phantom you were chasing around before it stole my body. Apparently he’s back and decided for his encore he was going to steal my life and my girlfriend.”

Lex was barely listening the second half of Clark’s little explosion. Because if that thing had Lana… in danger didn’t even begin to cover it. Lex had to get her away from it now, and had to take that thing out like he meant to last time he came across it. He had to have some project capable of killing it by now. Or maybe one of the relatively sane meteor mutants had some power that could be used to take it on. There had to be some way, something he could do –

“Lex!” Clark shouted, slamming his hands down on the desk. Lex looked at him, startled. He hadn’t even heard Clark trying to get his attention through his own panic. “Lex, I know what you’re doing, and you are going to stop, right now.”

Lex stared at Clark in disbelief. “I don’t think you understand. This Alien is dangerous and he has Lana. I –“

“Don’t you think I fucking know that? I was the one that watched them literally fly off into the fucking sunset together,” Clark yelled. He started to pace back and forth in front of Lex’s desk, reminding Lex uncomfortably of a caged wild animal. “God dammit, do you really think I’d be here bitching about how I got dumped if Lana was actually in danger?” And Lex had to admit that was a fair point.  “Lana isn’t the problem here Lex, it’s you and your goddamn death wish. You are not going after the Phantom, do you hear me? I don’t care what kind of crazy experiments you have that you think will help, if you go after him, he will kill you. He. Will. Kill. You.  You keep getting yourself in over your head, and then I have to come in and save your ass and I am sick of that shit. So, for once, you’re just going to back off and let me take care of it. Jesus Fuck, Lex!”

Clark’s tirade had brought him right around the desk and over to Lex’s chair, where his hands were now grasping the arm rests. His face was flushed and barely a foot from Lex’s own, lips parted slightly to accommodate his panting breaths. If Lex had been in a less shocked, not to mention somewhat less sane, state of mind, he would have jumped Clark right then and there.

Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, the jury was still out on that one, by the time Lex managed to get his brain past the revelation that _Clark Kent_ knew _swear words_ , Clark had already straightened up and taken a couple of steps back.

“Sorry,” he said, running a hand through his hair and looking positively sheepish. Lex couldn’t even remember that last time he had seen Clark looking sheepish, other than the conviction that it had been far too long since then. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just a little upset right now.”

Lex could have kicked himself. He would have kicked himself, except Clark would probably notice and start asking inconvenient questions. Still, Lex would have to remember to save that kicking thing for later, because Clark was upset and saying things he didn’t mean to, like basically admitting that he knew more about the aliens than he claimed, and Lex had been try to make him leave. Clark was upset and vulnerable, which would leave him inclined to be grateful to anyone who lent him a sympathetic ear, and Lex had been trying to make him leave. Clark was upset and had, for some reason, brought his vulnerable self to Lex, which, given the opportunity, Lex could not have planned better. And Lex? Lex had been trying to make him leave.

Lex wondered if Clark would be concerned if Lex hit his head against the desk a couple of times. Because Lex had made decisions in the height of his rebellious period that were smarter than trying to kick Clark out right now. Clark had come to Lex for emotional comfort, and if Lex just gave it to him, then, worst case scenario, Lex would have a while to try to subtly draw information from Clark while he was too upset to be on his guard. But, if Lex played his cards right, then he could use this to ingratiate him back into Clark’s little circle and possibly get all the information on the aliens that Lex knew they were holding back. And if Lex just had a chance, a real chance, to explain, he knew he could make Clark understand why Lex had to do all these things that Clark objected to. The means might make Lex sick to his stomach if he thought about them too much, but when the ends were protecting the human race from aliens that would destroy the planet given the opportunity…

Oh yes, Lex definitely wasn’t going to let himself botch this up.

“Are you absolutely certain Lana is safe?” Lex asked Clark. Important opportunity this might be, but priorities were still priorities.

Clark’s expression softened just a little, and really Lex should have known that expressing concern for someone else’s wellbeing would endear him to Clark. “She’s fine, Lex,” Clark told him. “The Phantom won’t hurt her.”

“Okay,” Lex said. It wasn’t really, Lex needed more information than that, but he was willing to let it go for the moment. If Lex pushed too hard, Clark’s defenses might go back up, and if there was only one thing Lex could trust Clark with, which was a distinct possibility, then it was Lana’s safety.

“You aren’t going to try to go after them?” Clark asked suspiciously.

“I won’t do anything rash,” Lex countered. There was no point in agreeing not to do _anything_ when Clark wouldn’t believe him anyway.

Clark made a small huffing noise, but seemed reasonably satisfied with that answer, from the way he went back to collapse on the couch again. After some debate, Lex stood up and followed him. Staying behind his desk would create the illusion of emotional distance, which normally Lex preferred when dealing with Clark nowadays, but was counter to his objectives at the moment.

“You’re always rash, Lex,” Clark said.

“ _I’m_ rash?” Had Clark met himself?

Clark rolled his eyes. “I never said you were the only one. I’m here, aren’t I?”

Lex was not going to ask. It was still too soon, he had to make sure Clark felt comfortable and not liable to bolt at any second before Lex started trying to get answers from him. So even when Clark handed him the opportunity on a _fucking silver platter,_ Lex was not going to ask. He was not going to – “Why are you here?”

Dammit. Lex was supposed to be past the days when Clark could shake his emotional composure and make him do things he had no intention of doing. At least he had gotten the tone right. Not angry or accusing, just light curiosity that Clark could shrug off if he wanted to. The question probably wouldn’t upset this fragile détente they seemed to have going on at the moment.

Clark shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess I was just thinking… well I wasn’t really thinking exactly, it’s just…” Clark bit his lip a little in thought, and that shit needed to be illegal. That or it needed to be illegal for him to stop, both were good with Lex.

“You haven’t killed me yet,” Clark finally blurted out, which, what the hell? Sure, Clark pissed Lex the fuck off sometimes, but since when did Lex want him _dead_?

Clark must have sensed Lex’s confusion because he hastened to explain. “It’s just I want to kill him. Not because he’s evil – well, that too – but because Lana and I finally had it figured out and were together and happy, and he just came in and took her. And I just really wish he was dead,” Clark concluded, looking at Lex with forlorn puppy-eyes.

Good Lord, Clark was coming to him for coping skills? He was coming to Lex, who “coped” with his little brother’s death by cloning him and then killing the clone when Lionel got to him? That was so fucked up there wasn’t a word for it. Lex was willing, in the name of regaining Clark’s confidence and learning the information Clark had, to play the supportive friend and pat Clark on the shoulder while Clark cried about being dumped by Lex’s ex-wife who, Lex felt it should be noted, had left Lex for Clark. He was also more than happy to help Clark follow through on the killing the evil alien plan that Clark had going there (though Clark had vetoed that idea for Lex hadn’t he?). But if Clark was expecting Lex to tell him how have a mature emotional response when faced with this kind of problem, then he was shit out of luck.

“I don’t think–“ Lex hedged, only to be interrupted by Clark.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to help. I mean, I know you hate me,” Clark said, standing up. “This was a dumb idea anyway. I’m just going to go.”

“Clark,” Lex called. Dammit, now he wanted to leave? “I don’t hate you.” Clark turned back to look at Lex, this time with _beseeching_ puppy-eyes. It was uncanny how much, when he wasn’t being a self-righteous bastard that is, Clark looked just like an over-grown puppy. It was a wonder that no one had slapped a collar on him and taken him home with them. …And that was a very bad image. Or, rather, a very good image that Lex would have to save for later when he wasn’t trying to seduce a vulnerable Clark – coax! when Lex wasn’t trying to _coax_ a vulnerable Clark into trusting him.

God, Lex needed to get laid.

“You don’t hate me?” Clark asked, in a voice that was two parts disbelieving, one part hopeful, and _absolutely zero_ parts puppy.

“No,” Lex told him, “I don’t hate you. You’re my best friend Clark.” It wasn’t a lie. It was a calculated show of vulnerability meant to draw in Clark the same way Lex might draw someone else in with a bribe or threat. But it wasn’t a lie.

“Oh,” said Clark. “I – Oh.” If Lex had known that it would get Clark to shut up so effectively, he would have broken that gem out ages ago, vulnerability or no. Of course, right now Lex didn’t actually want Clark to stop talking; and did Clark always only do thing once Lex didn’t want him to anymore?

“I believe you’re supposed to vent right now,” Lex prompted.

“Huh?” Clark said, looking charmingly confused.

Shit, _Clark_ was the one who was supposed to be regressing here, not Lex. And Lex certainly wasn’t supposed to be regressing to that version of himself who found everything Clark did charming, or attractive, or, God help him, _adorable_. Lex almost called the whole thing off right then and there.

“Vent, Clark,” Lex said, patting the couch in an invitation to sit back down. The things Lex did to save humanity from the evil aliens. “You know, that thing where you rant to me all about this… guy and how horrible he is and what he did to steal your girlfriend from you?” Also known as, that thing where Lex establishes himself as a supportive and sympathetic listener while Clark tells him all about the evil alien menace in order to improve Lex’s chances of successful capturing or killing it. Two birds, meet one stone.

Clark looked at him contemplatively for a few seconds before flopping back down. “Yeah, alright. It all started –“ Then he stopped, and turned a sharp look on Lex. “When’s the last time I talked to you? Like a real conversation?”

Which, considering there was an alien with Clark’s face running around, was probably a fair question. “That would be… when you asked me not the press charges on Lana. So just under three months ago,” Lex answered.

“Good,” Clark replied, sounding not a little bit angry. “So, like I was saying, it all started a month ago when I… left for a little while.”

“You left?” Lex echoed, because how could he not ask when Clark said things like that. Clark gave him a look, as though daring him to ask more, and through a Herculean show of willpower, Lex didn’t. Clark, Lex remind himself, had already been more candid with him in admitting to the existence of the alien than he had ever been before, and he would continue to become more candid as long as Lex didn’t push too much too soon. Clark was a fucking baby deer that Lex was going to catch, as long as he didn’t make loud noises like an idiot.

Seemingly satisfied that Lex was willing to let his utter bullshit go, Clark continued. “And while I was gone I was kind of out of touch with everybody.” Seriously? He had been “kind of out of touch?” Somebody owed Lex a fucking medal for not asking questions about that one. “When I got back and apologized to Lana for being gone so long, she told me that she had just seen me earlier that day. And when I told her I had been gone for a month she accused me of lying to her! Why the hell would I lie about something like that? It turns out that the Phantom showed up right after I left, and had been pretending to be me for _a month_. And _no one_ noticed!”

Lex made sympathetic noises while running calculations in his head. Suddenly Clark’s little visit to the mansion was making a lot more sense. Clark was upset and wanted to talk about the break-up with someone, but he was also upset at all the people he would normally turn to for that kind of support because they had failed to notice that Clark had been replaced by a doppelganger. So, in a fit of desperation, he had fallen back on old habits and turned to Lex for comfort. Lex, the one person that the alien hadn’t fooled. The fact that the alien hadn’t even had a chance to try and convince Lex he was Clark was immaterial. The perception that Lex would have known was there, a perception that Lex had absolutely no problems with encouraging.

“You can’t blame them too much for not noticing; when I met… the Phantom I assumed that he had possessed you at first because the two of you look so similar,” Lex said, throwing the bait out there.

“But you still knew it wasn’t really me,” Clark countered, snapping it up.

“I try not to hold everyone to my standards,” Lex replied, the very picture of modesty while inwardly he was grinning in triumph.

“I just think people should know when their friends are replaced by clones,” Clark muttered. “Anyway, after that it was kind of crazy for a bit, but it ended up with me, the Phantom, and Lana in Queen Towers and he was going to _kill_ me and I asked Lana to help” – he asked Lana for help? Shit, did she still have her superpowers? – “but he told her that he loved her more than I ever could. And then she told him that she loved him too, but she couldn’t be with him if he went around killing people. And then he said that he’d do anything he had to if the two of them could just be together, at which point Lana _dropped_ the blue Kryptonite and then ran and jumped into his arms and they just made out, right in front of me, for like five minutes. And then – and then he picked her up and they _flew_ out of the window together. The hell is that? Why can he fly; I can’t fly. Not to mention they just left me standing there like an idiot. And by the time I went home, all Lana’s stuff was gone. She didn’t even break up with me, not even a note, she just left.”

Lex just sat there for a moment. There were so many things wrong with that, not the least of which that breaking up with your boyfriend by making out with your new boyfriend in front of him was incredibly tacky, that he wasn’t sure where to begin.

Start with the new information, Lex decided. Clark had mentioned a blue Kryptonite – a type of meteor rock maybe? – that was, going off the context, the Phantom’s weakness. He had also confirmed that the Phantom could fly when in possession of Clark’s body, something that Lex had suspected, but hadn’t been able to definitively establish. Conversely, Clark had stated his own inability to fly, which Lex added to the “Clark is not Kalel” (Kal El? Kal-El?) list. Then he added Clark being indignant about not being able to fly to the “Clark is Kalel” list, just to be thorough.

Next concern was that the Phantom, a sociopathic killer, had fallen in love with Lana to the point that he was apparently willing to be good for her. Lex might doubt the veracity of that, but the Phantom had been playing Clark Kent for over a month without anyone noticing anything off, so there might be some truth to that sentiment. It was possible that when he had stolen Clark’s DNA to make his body, the Phantom had picked up lingering thoughts and emotions, including Clark’s love for Lana. Then again… some years back, back when Lex had been trying to understand why Clark was so obsessed with Lana, who in Lex’s estimation at the time had all the personality of a cardboard box, Lex had toyed with the idea that the meteors had mutated her in such a way that compelled people to love her. As he had gotten to know her better, and had fallen for himself, he had discarded this theory as being the product of, well, jealousy if he was being honest. But if even evil alien invaders were falling in love with Lana, then maybe it was time to revisit this theory.

Of course, that meant that Lex was going to have to officially call off all attempts to win Lana back over, unless she was proven to not have any sort of meteor power. Lex really didn’t want a repeat of the Desiree incident.

And then there was the flipside of all this, where Lana had fallen in love with a sociopathic murdering alien. Granted, the feelings had probably started because she thought it was Clark she was dealing with, but they had grown to the point that, when given the choice, she had chosen the Phantom over Clark. That was… worrisome. It was _possible_ it was an isolated incident, but it was also possible that the Phantom had some heretofore unknown ability to subvert humans to the alien’s side. And if that was the case, then Lex needed to know about it, now.

“Did she say why she was picking him over you?” Lex asked a quietly fuming Clark.

“Yes!” Clark exploded. “She said he was more honest and open with her than I was, but that’s crazy. I was always honest in her after we got back together.” And then Clark mumbled something that Lex couldn’t quite hear, aside from the word “sex.” He almost didn’t ask, because it was Lana and Clark’s sex life. On the other hand, it was _Lana and Clark’s sex life_.

“What was that?”

“I said it was probably just because he was having sex with her,” Clark responded grumpily.

Lex blinked. Considered cleaning out his ears. He couldn’t have heard that right. Because that would imply that Lana and Clark _weren’t_ having sex. Even though they were dating. And living together. And Lana was the girl Clark had been mooning after since before Lex had met him. And Clark was, well, _Clark_. There were times when Lex had wondered how the two of them _stopped_ having sex long enough to get anything done, and they weren’t having any? That Lana had been sleeping with the fake-Clark implied that she wasn’t the one putting the stops on that aspect of their relationship, even if Lex hadn’t already been aware of her healthy sexual appetite.  Was Clark secretly a monk? Waiting for marriage? Secretly gay?

Lex particularly liked the sound of that last one, though the second would be fine too. It’s not as though Lex had any remaining compunctions about violating the sanctity of marriage.

Seeing that Clark was more than happy to stew quietly for the next couple of minutes or so, Lex decided to take a moment to review what he has accomplished thus far this evening. On the alien invasion front, he had discovered a potential weakness of the Phantom alien that might be applicable to other aliens as well, and had established a pattern where Clark spoke with Lex candidly about things that Lex already knew. Not ideal, but a huge step forward none-the-less. Also on the Clark front, Lex had laid the groundwork for reestablishing a non-confrontational relationship between the two of them, with the hopeful end goal of them pooling their resources to stop the impending alien invasion. And, as an added perk, he had found out that Clark might possibly be a repressed homosexual.

It had been a good day.

The risk now, though, was that once Clark left, he would let himself fall back into his old thought patterns. Given the chance to do that, he might decide that this evening had been an aberration, and that Lex actually was evil and not to be trusted. Clark’s other friends would likely advocate this way of thinking, but Clark would do most of the work of avoiding them himself, especially if Lex subtly mentioned a few times that Clark might “need some space” to get over the upset of none of them realizing that Clark had been replaced. The key, then, was to not let Clark spend too much time alone to think about things, at least not for a while yet.

“It appears we’ll both be sleeping alone tonight then,” Lex said. Clark twitched. Lex tried not to smirk. “Will this be your first time living alone?” Clark twitched again.

“No, there was about a week or so between when Mom moved out and Kara moved in,” Clark responded. Lex had known that of course, but whether or not Clark had lived alone _before_ was hardly the point.

“That’s good,” said Lex, dropping back into the big brother/mentor voice that he had stopped using around Clark a long time ago. “It can be unnerving living by yourself for the first time, especially being in the house alone at night. It’s good that you don’t have to try to become accustomed to that on top of everything else.” Three more twitches and Lex so had this one in the bag.

“Lex?” Clark said tentatively.

“Yes?” Lex replied, tone completely neutral.

“I know what you said about me coming to the mansion,” Clark began. It _was_ an issue of obedience, then, and not a hearing problem. Lex had been wondering. He was, this one time, willing to be magnanimous and overlook it, given that he could hardly argue with the results, but this nonsense of Clark not listening when Lex told him things was going to have to stop. “And I’m grateful that you haven’t told me to leave yet,” Clark hastened to add, “but do you think… do you think I could maybe crash in one of your guest rooms tonight? I don’t want to go back home yet.” _I don’t want to be alone._

“Of course Clark,” Lex said, his smile perhaps just a bit sharper than the situation called for. “My castle, is your castle.”


End file.
